My Journey with Selective Mutism

Hello everyone,

I’m Jonathan Kohlmeier, and I’d like to share a bit about who I am and how I became so passionate about Selective Mutism (SM) and mental health. Some of you may know me from my book, Learning to Play the Game: My Journey Through Silence, or perhaps from my talks about SM. But for those who are new here, welcome!

A Little About My Background

I grew up in upstate New York and was diagnosed with SM at age five—though at the time, it took a while for anyone to figure out what was really going on. I’ve been on a journey ever since, working through social anxiety, building supportive strategies, and eventually finding my voice. Along the way, I earned my master’s degree in clinical psychology from Teachers College, Columbia University, which gave me additional insights into how anxiety and SM can shape someone’s world.

I now also serve on the Board of Directors for the Selective Mutism Association (SMA), where I collaborate with dedicated professionals, parents, and individuals to raise awareness and improve resources for those with SM. I’ve also volunteered at various virtual and in-person SM intensive treatment programs, and I often present to students, schools, and parent support groups, drawing on my own life story to illustrate what SM can feel like and how we might navigate it.

My Story

When I was younger, many well-meaning adults mistakenly thought I was just “shy,” “stubborn,” or even “oppositional.” In reality, a wave of fear and anxiety washed over me every time I had to speak around people outside my comfort zone. Over time, I came to see how crucial small steps—what I like to call “firsts”—can be in working through SM. Whether that’s the first time you say hello in class, the first time you visit a new environment, or the first time you speak to one peer instead of none at all, these experiences build a sort of muscle memory for overcoming anxiety. It’s by practicing these incremental steps over and over that real progress happens.

And believe me, it’s not always linear. Even with all the right help, there were moments I froze or regressed. But each step built on the last, eventually giving me the confidence to share my story publicly. Today, one of my biggest motivations is helping others see that while SM is challenging, there are ways to address it—each person can find their own path, with guidance, support, and practice.

Why I’m Here

I’m started this newsletter because I want to help individuals, families, treating professionals, and educators understand SM better. I hope that by sharing my personal journey, you’ll come away with a clearer picture of how anxiety affects communication, why certain approaches can be transformative, and how essential it is to remain patient and compassionate—both with ourselves and with others.

If you’re curious about the more in-depth details of my SM experience, consider reading my memoir, Learning to Play the Game: My Journey Through Silence. It offers a deeper look into my life—from my earliest struggles in school to the various practical strategies and mindsets that helped me. I hope it encourages you or someone you know to feel less alone and more hopeful.

What to Expect with This Newsletter

• Insights & Personal Reflections
  You’ll get candid looks into my experiences with SM and mental health, aiming to shed light on challenges that often go unspoken.

• Practical Strategies
  From small “exposures” to communication tips, I’ll discuss concepts that helped me, and that might help you or those you support.

• Broader Mental Health Topics
  While SM is my focus, I’ll also explore anxiety, self-care approaches, and ways to foster emotional well-being in daily life.

• Community Highlights
  Interviews, reader Q&As, and shared stories will foster a sense of connection and support.

I hope these posts will help demystify SM and mental health in general, providing encouragement along the way.

Thank you for reading, and I look forward to sharing more about my story, insights, and practical tips in upcoming posts. Whether you’re a parent, teacher, or someone navigating SM yourself, I hope you’ll find something helpful here.

Get in touch by replying to this email or by filling out this survey to let me know what topics you’d like to see in the future!

To the next first,
Jonathan Kohlmeier

Disclaimer: The information set forth is based on my own experiences with Selective Mutism. I am not a licensed mental health professional. This is for informational purposes only, and should not be used to replace the specialized training and professional judgment of a mental health professional. Always consult a trained mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, and/or treatment. This disclaimer applies to all articles and posts.